Back, Again.

I've been back in New Jersey since Thursday.  I left San Jose Airport at 11 AM and my plane landed at 11:04 PM eastern time.  Every time I see a plane I say, "Thank you, Jesus, I am not on that plane."  I love traveling, I do.  But traveling with a 7 month old by yourself changes the whole situation and that love of traveling turns into "This is fun, but I think I am going crazy!" I'm sure it did not help that I forgot to bring my makeup, as I tend to look extra exhausted without blush and mascara.

I once heard someone say that motherhood "has the most highs and lows and they all tend to be within five minutes of each other."  This is a truth statement and I have proved it's accuracy many times.  The lows are not "depression" lows, but more like moments of doubt.  Doubt of how successful you are as a mother.  Doubt of whether or not you can even handle this little ball of energy that cannot communicate discomfort expect for cries or whines.  Doubts of whether or not you are doing the absolute best for him/her.   But then the smiles.  But then the new little thing he can do- like wave or that funny face he just started to make.  Or you are just about to break because you are a cuddlier and your son is not, but then he decides to defy the odds and lays his head on your shoulder.  And he stays there.  He stays there for more than a couple minutes.  These are the highs or really- the foundation of it all.  The reality of motherhood.  It isn't the lows.  They do not define who I am as a mother- but they are flimsy compared to all of those good things!

On that note, we still do not know what we are doing.  Well, it's the timing that is still in question.  But we are expectant.  We are looking forward to where we go.  We do not run nor is our goal to avoid.  We desire to be where we can thrive.  Where our family can get the very best.